Been a while...

Not to let down my two readers, I figured I'd better write up something here before they decided I was deceased.

Well, I survived the Indiana Jones overkill of a couple months ago. I will say this -- the new movie revived interest in the older ones, and this time around mass-marketing was in full swing, new toys abound, and even a computer game came out based on all of the previous movies. We never had this stuff in 1981. So my action figures are back up to speed, got a new Herbert Johnson hat from the hatters in London (they made the ORIGINAL one for the first movie, and my wife decided I needed it -- it was so expensive I am sort of afraid to wear it), and I'll be all set to dress up as Indy again when I take Katie trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Yeah, I like this stuff, what can I say. This oughta give a few people something to guffaw about, lol:

Top of my desk:



And some Indy stuff:




Anyhow, it's my wife's birthday today, so she gets to goof off. I'm making her favorite birthday cake from childhood -- a red velvet cake (TWO OUNCES of red food coloring in that thing!) with cream cheese frosting. She got breakfast in bed, too. And they say I'm not a charmer!

Cake after attack by wife and child:



I TOLD you it was red.

I took my state biology exams last week in preparation for my new job as a high school science teacher, and next week will consist of mass-producing lesson materials for the students, and working up lesson plans for at least the first month of school, so this weekend I am goofing off. We had visitors for a MONTH of our summer break -- our friends from England and then my dad after they went home, and it will be nice to get back to the regular routine of being slovenly again. No more cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. I'll be able to walk around my house in my boxers without wondering if I'm being uncouth.

In the interest of rambling posts as things occur to me, there's also this:

I also have been informed that my S&W 500 magnum isn't a real sidearm, which I find interesting. Actually, I suppose you could call it a chestarm, since you normally carry it in a holster that straps across your chest. But apparently there are people who think these little 9mm semiautos are REAL guns. You know, the ones like Martin Riggs used in the Lethal Weapon movies, where he empties three or four magazines and three or four people die for the forty or so rounds he's shot at them; the pistol sounds sort of like "bip! bip! bip!" (It must be noted that my concealed carry weapon is a Browning Hi-Power, which is a 9 mm weapon and is MUCH easier than a guy my size trying to hide a 6 1/2" .44 magnum, which is my weapon of choice if I have the option, so I'm not AGAINST semiautos.)

I do have proof positive that a 500 magnum is, indeed, a real gun, and I thought I would share it with you:



If people are happy believing that they will get into real firefights that look like the fake ones they see in the movies, let them be thrilled with their self-delusions. I have it on good authority that:

a. Most gunfights happen in a dark room where the opponents are 12 or less feet apart (you generally don't have the option, as in the movies, to hide behind oil drums and crates, reloading, in a warehouse or swing from things hanging from the ceiling while firing under your armpit at bad guys in your home in real life) and

b. If you empty a magazine or two at a bad guy, the police, should you have actually HIT the bad guy with a round or two, will expect you to account for all other shots fired and to justify why you sprayed the contents of your pistol all around your house. If you're happy with that, great. Now if you are lucky, and all 15 rounds went into the bad guy, I look forward to your explanation of why that is so in a court of law.

Now ME, I like large caliber revolvers. They're mechanically simple, and can't jam. My idea is this: One shot and the guy drops. You can simply piss someone off by emptying a smaller caliber weapon into someone who's all hopped up on some substance, but it's hard to come back in a meaningful fashion if the homeowner dots your eyes with a .44 magnum or larger. The automatic owner: "bip! bip! bip! bip! bip! bip! bip! bip! bip!" *sound of either the magazine being ejected or the homeowner being clubbed to death by a pissed-off perp (if the pistol hasn't stovepiped first)*

The large revolver owner: "WHOOOM!" "Thud."

So, let's see: do I want a gun that I will have to empty at someone in a panic situation, or do I want something that will drop the guy with one shot, no matter where I hit him? Hmm, let me think about this. Gee, I think I'll go for the one-shot gun. Silly, I know.

In short, gun experts, you can all be happy with your Kimbers and those pissant plastic Glocks. I like big Smiths. They're big, they're heavy, and they crack engine blocks and kill Kodiak bears. I look at it this way: if you need a gun that has a 9-17 round capacity, you probably shouldn't own a gun, because your shooting skills obviously suck, and a lack of self-confidence is shown by carrying a gun that can hold a bucket of shells.

I'm going to write to Smith and Wesson, I think, and tell them there's some guy out there who thinks a 500 magnum isn't a real gun. I wonder if they'd pitch in for straitjacket rental.

Oh, well -- happy birthday, dear wife -- and may you have many more.

Enjoy your cake!

Herp